Inspiration

I know I tend to be one of those touchy-feely emotional people with a bunch of gooey uncomfortable feelings...so it shouldn't be too surprising that I'm the one writing to say WOW!! I am so totally impressed with the imaginations and creativity of the class in terms of the "pageless" poem assignment. I felt like everyone's project seemed to really represent the person/poet so well and it was a lot of fun for me. This class has been really great for me -- I've not only had the pleasure of reading some really fine poetry, but our differing perspectives and comfort level during discussions are great brain food.

I have been exploring my goals as a poet and as a writer, especially as we come closer to having to turn in our chapbook projects. I have a definite sense of who I am & what I want, even though those things are very fluid and change quite a bit...but I have noticed that in both my prose writing and my poetry, I've got "stuff" rolling around inside me that has to get out. This is a horrible metaphor, but it's kind of like when you're carving a jack o'lantern and you want to have this great image and the ability to light it from the inside, but first you have to scrape out all of the slimy guts and seeds. It's sort of a purge, I guess, that I've been in the middle of for a while...and possibly will be forever. I'm 36 -- nearly 37 -- so there's a lot there. I wonder, though, if that isn't what makes the writing have more depth; while I haven't mastered the ability to completely communicate it the way I want to, the stuff that I have rolling in my head isn't fluffy white clouds floating through a rainbow world, either.

I have also made the distinction between writing for money and writing for soul purging. While the two may eventually coincide, the good stuff isn't the stuff I'm worried about selling. I sell writing/editing/translation to pay for the other stuff I do. I am just lucky in that I love playing with words enough that even the "work" is fun and tends to open new avenues to experiences that help with the good stuff. Most recently, I've been writing passages for a new English book for ESL students. I've been working with a professor at UNM who contracted me to help, and it's been really invigorating. The passages I've had to write -- arbitrary topics like seahorses, W Celphei A, rap music -- have forced me to really focus on a topic and be consistent and clear in my writing. The other contract I've been doing is interview writing -- a business journal and a couple of music mags. Interviewing is an amazing skill to develop, but the real exercise comes in taking the interview and turning it into a brilliant story. I'm not brilliant yet, but the exercise is good.

Thanks to Cheryl Hindrichs and English 275 and Howards End, the idea of connection is way more powerful to me than ever before. In light of our discussion of Alice Notley and detachment and the ability to connect, the other thing that has been pretty heavily on my mind these days is the value of friendship. I have a lot of acquaintances and friends and people I socialize with or see occasionally or have a comfortable relationship with, but there are certain people who seem to end up being more meaningful than most. I've been trying to analyze what it is that makes these particular people so important. It's not physical, because two of them I've never met in person; it's not location because one is across the country, one is in Algeria, the others scattered around the country. It's not even length of time, because sometimes people come into my life and aren't there for long but have a major impact. It's about connection, I guess. I just think it's really important never to underestimate the value of friendship and what it can mean to you.